I've been out of the loop a while, I traveled a lot actually, and it was a fucking exhilarating experience. I had fun in the end and now all that is over, I regret the end of what seemed to be eternal sunshine and everlasting bliss. The alcohol, the company, the pubs and bars, the talks and the inevitable quarrels, all a part and parcel of the deal, aint it?
What got me wondering is that when I was in such an atmosphere, that can only be described as blossoming of the inner feelings and the effervescence of the happy hormones, I had no idea what's sadness and what is conformity. Not clear is it? Let me explain.
I realized that only being an aesthetic and denouncing all of the worldly things and mannerisms does not get you inner peace, absolute Qi as it is called. But to the contrary, its the self realization that is required when our body and our brain are in complete sync of joyous and mature emotions, that is when we should try taking a look inside our self and wonder what is it that we want and what is it that we can make happen.
I was happy with my friends, my alcohol and my girlfriend, but seldom did they realize that as I was with them, I was also thinking to myself. Thinking if this is the life that I would like to lead, and since the answer was Yes, I asked myself how could I make that happen?
And the answer just struck me as I lay on the bed one night, after a night of extreme ecstasy and please, I realized that for this kind of life in the future, I will have to slog my ass off in the present and ensure myself that I have a good base to handle that kind of a life. And that forced me to go back to old job, my parents and the hot Dubai sun. It sucks, the feeling of being cared for from a 1000 miles away sucks, because everyone once in a while I would have loved that touch, that would make me feel important and loved. That voice that would make me feel ecstatic and that kiss that would literally cure me from all my present worries instantaneously. And yet I stay here, but this decision is logical and well thought, as it has come from the 'Inside'.
Mind you, you may get confused now, Inside here refers to my inner voice, some call it the soul, but as I felt it, it was my sync with inner peace, where my heart and brain gave me a collaborated answer. And hence it cannot be wrong. A lot of people hate me for leaving like that, including the girl that loves me the most; but none of them realize that, its only because I wanted to be with them in the future have I come back. So that the next time I come there, I dont have think about coming back to Dubai ever again.
I met my 'Soul' and believe me, he had all the answers for me. Try it sometime, it feels as orgasmic as a fall from a bridge with a bungee rope attached to your ankles...:)...
Cheers!
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